Learn to think for yourself

One of the biggest problems facing America today is that not enough people think for themselves. Something is said on social media and too many people accept it as truth. They then share it with their friends and followers, and soon it becomes viral without anyone ever checking to see if it true or not. It then becomes a "truth" simply because so many believe it to be so.

Too many people let the news media think for them as well. A person's favorite news reporter gives a story and people believe that it is true. They don't bother checking the story. They make decisions based on 30-second sound bites that come through their televisions.  Every news story is spun to reflect the bias of the news reporter and/or the ownership of the particular media. This is true whether you watch CNN, MSNBC, Fox, or any of the mainstream media.

Not only do they spin the news to fit their personal biases, they determine which stories you will be allowed to hear. In the 21st century the media doesn't report the news; they make the news. Out of the thousands of things they could report on each day, they select a handful of stories to influence your opinion on matters they consider important. I would encourage anyone to read Breaking The News: How the Media Undermine American Democracy by James Fallows. A the time he wrote this book he was the editor of U. S. News and World Report. As a journalist, he understood how the system worked, and he was convinced today's news reporters do not seek to inform the public as much as they want to influence the public to their point of view. I found the book explained exactly why the public today mistrusts the news media so much. I can tell you that I used to watch a lot of news programs, but today I watch very little, and I question much of what is reported.

Being able to think for yourself is especially important as we continue into this election cycle. We will hear every night from the political pundits who will tell us that one candidate or another is leading in the polls or that one candidate cannot possibly win the election. As they repeat their mantra over and over some people will assume it's true. Don't be so sure. Fallows was especially critical of these political reporters. He said they can be consistently wrong and never held accountable. As an example he pointed to the many political reporters who kept saying that Bill Clinton's campaign was finished and he could not win the election. Of course, he did. The same thing happened in the last election as many of the same pundits who reported the demise of Clinton's campaign kept insisting that Trump could not possibly win the past election. Fallows writes, "For pundits there is no financial or professional penalty for being consistently wrong."

Of course, politics is not the only area in which you need to think for yourself. In many areas of life the majority is often wrong. People go into debt thinking this is the only way they can get the things they want without ever stopping to think that debt will prevent them from financial independence. Just because your broke brother-in-law buys a new car every five years and finances it for seven years doesn't mean that's the smart thing to do.

Many people reject Christianity and biblical teaching without ever studying it themselves. Some professor told them the Bible was full of myths so they go around telling others the Bible is full of myths without ever taking the time to determine if that's true. Someone else tells them there is no God so they believe there is no God without studying the matter for themselves.

I could continue to list other areas in our lives we need to learn to think for ourselves: marriage, the raise we raise our children, career choices, etc. Remember, it's your life. No one else can live it for you nor should you let anyone tell you how to live it or how to think about the things that are most important to a successful life. Learn to think for yourself and you will find your life will become much more rewarding.

Help your child succeed

Parenting is one of the most difficult tasks any parent will face. Most of us want our children to be happy and to grow up to be successful in all their endeavors, but, if we're honest, we aren't always sure what to do to help make that happen. Here are a few suggestions.

Give them time for unstructured play. Many kid's lives are far too structured. They are involved in sports, dance, music classes, and the list goes on. None of these are bad things, but there must be some time for them to just be kids having fun. I played organized baseball growing up, but some of my best times was when we chose up teams at an empty field near our home and just played. No umpires, no parents, nothing but just a bunch of kids playing ball. Kids today need that same unstructured time to just have fun.

Recognize that each child is different. Do not expect each of your children to like the same things or want to do the same things. Some will be more athletic while others are more studious. I have a brother who is very good playing the guitar; I'm lucky to turn on a radio. As a child I took about three piano lessons when the teacher refused to come back. She told my mother that she (the teacher) was wasting her time and my mother was wasting her money. Let your children be who they are and don't try to force them into any mold.

Eliminate performance pressure. Too many parents push their children to live the parent's dreams, and if they don't measure up they can sense their parent's disappointment. When I coached in our Park Department's baseball league I watched another coach, the boys' father, berate the child in the dugout for a mistake he had made until the boy broke out in tears. I don't believe the boy ever played baseball again after that season. Why should he? He could never measure up to the standards his father set for him so why bother?

Give the child chores. I know chores is an old-fashioned word so use whatever word you want. Children need responsibility. Growing up on a farm I had chores that I was expected to do regardless of what else I might want to do. They were not optional. Talk about preparing me for the real world when real employers expect their employees to do their work! Never give a child an allowance. Pay them for doing their chores, and if they fail to complete their assigned duties they don't get paid. Again, a valuable life lesson.

Control TV and social media. This may be the most challenging of anything on the list. It appears that many young people will have their fingerprints wore off their thumbs by the time they are 20 as much time as they spend on their phones, playing games and on social media. Many people would be shocked to learn how some of the most well-known people in the technology world strictly limits the amount of time their children are allowed to use computers and be on social media.

Give them unconditional love. No child should feel they must earn the love of their parents. A child who feels he or she must earn the love of their parents is at risk for making some really bad choices later in life. Even during those times when you must punish bad behavior they should know that you love them and always will love them.

Finally, help them recognize that there is a God who loves them very much. Studies find that children with a strong religious faith make fewer bad decisions that can cause them pain and difficulty. I'm thankful that my parents raised me in church. There came a time in my early twenties when I was not making the best decisions and was paying the price for them. Because of the faith I had found earlier in life I was able to turn things around. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had not had that faith to return to.

Some people need to choose a new personality

A woman went shopping with her adult daughter and made the experience miserable for everyone. She was rude to the clerks who waited on them. She complained about everything throughout the day. Their last stop was to a shoe store. After trying on a few shoes she stomped out of the store. Once outside she turned to her daughter and demanded, "Did you see the look that salesperson gave me?" The daughter replied, "Mother, she didn't give you that look. You had it when you went into the store!"

We all know people like the mother. They are hypercritical, easily offended and angry about everything. They seem to go out of their way looking for something that will upset them. Unless they are complaining about something they can't be happy. It's a horrible way to live. If confronted, they will just respond that they are just being themselves. The good news is that it doesn't have to be permanent. We can change some aspects of our personality.

People spend vast sums of money on beauty treatments and plastic surgery to change some aspect of their physical appearance they don't like. No matter how much we change our physical appearance, our personality will still come out and show us for the person we are. A person may strive towards physical perfection, but if they maintain a sour personality they will still not be attractive.

Changing our personalities often means making small chances in our actions. For example, a person who is naturally an introvert is not likely to ever be the toast of the party. However, they can take steps to be more outgoing and engaging. My personality is very much that of an introvert. As I tell people, I can very easily blend into the wall paper at a social event, but I choose to not do that. I go to people and begin a conversation with them. It's not always easy, especially at first, but it's usually worth the effort.

A person who is very controlling can learn to let go and trust others to make good decisions for themselves. They can learn to delegate and trust people to complete their task.

Perhaps one of the hardest personality traits to change is anger. Angry people are those likely to insist that it's just the way they are. They can fly off the handle at the slightest provocation and expect everyone to be OK with that.  Angry people wonder why people avoid them and friends stop coming around. It's because people get tired of walking on eggshells around them afraid something they will say or do will set them off again.

Angry people can learn to control their anger. They can choose to respond better to triggers that previously would cause them to erupt.

The first step in getting a personality makeover is to identify the behaviors you need to change. If you're not sure where to start, ask someone who loves you enough to be honest with you. Once you identify the behavior that needs to change you can begin to think through the steps you need to take to make that change. None of this is going to happen overnight so be patient with yourself.

You may want to bring in some professional help, especially if your behaviors are having a negative impact on your life and/or your career. There's nothing wrong with bringing in a life coach or a counselor to help you work through the process you need to follow to change aspects of your personality. Having someone to hold you accountable will probably make the process go quicker and more smoothly.

No one has to feel trapped with a personality issue that is causing them problems. You can make adjustments to your personality if you choose to do so.

Live life to the fullest

 We only get one shot at this thing called life. Early in life we are asked to make major choices that will impact the remainder of our lives. While in our teens or twenties we often choose the person we will marry, choose a career, select a university to attend or choose to not pursue a college education, decide on having children and make many other choices that will determine what much of our life will look like. The critical choices we are forced to make is why I started this blog and wrote The Consequences of our Choices. I'm still trying to find a publisher or agent for this book, but I feel that the message found in the book is so important that I started this blog to help people make better choices in life.

In America we are free to make almost any choice we want to make, but we are not free to avoid the consequences of those choices, and every choice does have consequences. Some have made very poor choices in the past, and those choices have resulted in bad consequences. Sometimes people didn't realize that there were other choices available to them. In other cases, they were doing what they've been taught or seen other people do in similar situations. Whatever the reason for the bad choice, they are now living with the natural results of the decisions they made.

The good news is that we do not have to live with the wrong choices we made in the past. We can take the initiative to reverse those earlier decisions and set a direction for our lives that will be more positive and lead to better results. I am not suggesting this will be easy, but it can be done. In fact, it is being done every day by people who grew tired of the circumstances they were living in. They decided they wanted better for themselves and their loved ones and took the steps necessary to live that better life.

One example that will relate to a lot of people is in the area of personal finances. Many Americans are caught in a cycle of debt and poverty. Even though they may make good money, it all goes to debt repayment. At the end of the month they are as broke as they were when the month began. For many of us, we work too hard and make too much money to live that way. We can change that cycle by attacking our personal finances in a way that will pay off that debt and set us on the road to financial security. Will it be easy? No. Will there be pain involved in doing this? Yes, but it will be short-lived and that's better than spending our entire lives broke.

We could made the same comments about people caught up in difficult marriages, the challenges we have in raising our children, how we relate to failure, how we react during dark times in our lives, and every other aspect of our lives. Did you choose a career as a young person that you can't stand today? You can make a new choice to move into a different career. Again, it won't be easy, but it can be done.

We've been given one life here on earth to live. Let's do everything we can to make it the most positive, happy life we can. The choice is ours. 

Choose to be happy

 Most people would like more happiness in their lives. The interesting thing about happiness is how much of it is actually within our control. Researchers have found that about 50 percent of our happiness comes from set points that are genetically determined. Another 10 percent comes from our circumstances in life. The remaining 40 percent of our happiness is determined by our behavior, and it is this 40 percent that we can control. We can choose to be happier by controlling aspects of our lives that promote happiness.

Perhaps one of the primary ways to be happier is to express gratitude for all the things we have. I recently read someone who said that much of the world would love to have your problems. What they meant was that many of the problems we struggle with are first-world problems. We get upset because a car repair cost more than we though it would while much of the world would love to own a car. We get frustrated because the case of bottled water we buy went up 75 cents a case. Much of the world would love to have clean water to drink. You get the idea. We have much for which to be grateful, and we need to learn to be grateful and to express that gratitude to the right people. When you tell someone how much they mean to you both you and that individual are blessed.

A second behavior that promotes happiness is being optimistic. Too many people walk around like Eeyore. They live with a gloom-and-doom attitude. With that kind of attitude it's impossible to be happy. Optimistic people believe in themselves and their abilities. They look forward to the future and believe they have more control over their destiny. They set goals believing they will achieve them, and they often do. Optimism and happiness go hand-in-hand.

Closely related to optimism is positive thinking. Zig Ziglar used to refer to the opposite of positive thinking as stinkin' thinkin'. Positive thinking people believe in the best of others and themselves. They look for the silver lining in every dark cloud. It's very hard for positive thinking people to get down, and if they do get down they don't stay down very long.

We can increase our level of happiness by practicing acts of kindness towards others. Occasionally you will hear of someone in a drive-through restaurant who pays for the meal for the car behind them. I recently read where that happened, and the person who received the free meal paid for the car behind her, and this went on for several cars. Don't you know each of those people left there just a little happier than they were when they pulled into the drive-through lane? There's something about doing something nice for someone that makes you feel better.

While there are many other things we can do to improve our level of happiness we will just mention one more: learning to forgive. So many people carry years of bitterness within themselves. Someone has hurt them, and they cannot forgive that individual. Unforgiveness makes it impossible to be happy. When we refuse to forgive someone we are allowing that person to hurt us a second time, and we should not give them that much control over our lives. Forgiveness is not easy, but we must find a way to forgive others if we want to truly be happy in this life.

If we control 40 percent of our happiness level then we truly can choose to be happy.

We almost always have more than two options

It may be hard for some people to believe since we live in an age of superstores, but I can remember shopping for groceries in a store that had two aisles. You entered through the door and walked down one aisle with shelves on both sides, the meat counter was at the back where you turned and went down the second aisle with shelves on both sides. At the end of that aisle was the cash register. The amazing thing was that you get all the groceries you needed for the week. Now, of course, there were not 15 different choices for ketchup and 100 different flavors of salad dressing, but we didn't expect such a variety of choices back then. We just wanted groceries, and this little store provided that.

Most of us want more options today when we buy groceries than that store could provide, but at the same time we often limit ourselves to two options when we are trying to make a decision about something. We think it has to be this or that. We limit our thinking to either/or and feel trapped when neither choice seems to work or if we really don't like either choice. The fact is, there are almost always more than two options if we take time to think about it.

When we adopt an either/or mindset we really do fall into a trap that often does not end well. Even if one of those options does work, that does not mean that it was the best option. There may have been another choice we could have made that would have worked out even better for us if we had only considered it rather than focusing on the two choices we thought we had.

I suggest that when you are considering a major decision that you spend sufficient time to identify as many options as possible. Talk with trusted friends about the decision you are making and ask for their input. They very well may introduce an option you had not even considered. You can add it to your written list. This might be a good time to bring a life coach into your life to help you identify additional options. When you have compiled a list of several alternatives you are ready to begin giving each of them more thought to identify the one that would be the best choice.

There is a danger in this advice. We can spend too much time doing this and overthink the matter. This is often called "analysis paralysis" where we get so caught up in thinking about a matter that we never made a decision. This can be the result of the fear of making a wrong decision so we overcome that fear by making no decision. This unwillingness to choose is dangerous to anyone but especially for those in leadership positions. There comes a point where one must stop the analysis and make a decision. 

Just don't limit yourself to considering only two options when you need to make a decision about some matter. There are usually more options than that and as you identify them your likelihood of making a better decision will be higher.

College choices matter

With students returning to college campuses there is still much confusion about whether they will actually be in classroom settings, take their classes online or some combination of the two. I find it interesting that during previous pandemics, such as the H1N1 virus in 2009, there were no shut-downs of schools and businesses and the widespread panic that has followed Covid. The CDC estimated that 150,000-575,000 persons died from the H1N1 virus in its first year. To date, the CDC reports 156,000 confirmed OR PROBABLE deaths due to Covid. There has been so much controversy about the actual numbers of persons infected and deaths due to Covid that any number can be disputed. This is not to say that Covid is not a serious problem. It is, but at this point it appears no more deadly than H1N1. Unfortunately, due to political reasons the media has decided to instill fear and panic about this virus in the minds of the public leading officials to take unreasonable measures to control it. However, this is a subject for another post.

As students return to campuses parents need to be asking exactly what are their young people being taught. After all, in many cases the parents are shelling out their hard earned money to provide their children with an education. In other situations the students are racking up thousands of dollars in  student loan debt that they will spend much of their working lives to repay. Is what they are being taught worth that expense? Sadly, in too many cases it is not. Rather than being given an education they are being indoctrinated into a preferred way of thinking that is often diametrically opposed to the values and beliefs of their parents.

A recent report from an economics professor at a major university is a case in point. He has proposed offering an elective class that points out the dangers of Marxism and the damage it has done to those countries that embraced it. The university approved it only for honors students but has denied his request to open it up to any interested student due to the objections of anonymous faculty. No doubt, they extol the Marxist mindset which they teach their students and do not want an opposing view to be presented to the wider student body.

This kind of censorship occurs on numerous university campuses across the country. A conservative speaker is invited to speak to a gathering and later uninvited because students and faculty members do not want to hear someone present material that is different than the liberal mantras being presented on campus. Christian organizations are banned from some campuses. On too many campuses today our young people are being indoctrinated towards a value system that rejects the values that this nation was founded upon. Why would any parent want to pay for that, and why would a young person want to go deep into debt for an education that will not prepare him or her for the real world?

A pastor friend of mine once told me he had three daughters attending a supposedly Christian college. They came home and began to tell him of some of the things one professor was teaching which were contrary to biblical teaching. He wasn't presenting another view for discussion, which would have been fine, but was presenting it as fact while ridiculing what the daughters had been taught. The pastor called the professor and told him he had a problem with what he was teaching. The professor responded that was too bad and there was nothing the pastor could do about it. Actually, there was. The next day the three daughters withdrew from the school and finished their education at another college.

Too many of our young people leave for college and return no longer believing in God or in our historic American values, and we are paying for that. It's time parents take a hard look at what is going on at the schools their young people attend. Higher education is intended to provide an education that prepares young people for the challenges and opportunities they will face, not indoctrinate them with propaganda that will lead them, and ultimately this nation, down a path of destruction.

For me, as a Christian, I believe Christian colleges and universities provide the best option to educate our young people. Even then, as the above example of the pastor's three daughters points out, we need to be careful. Some schools that were once affiliated with denominations and Christianity long ago abandoned any pretense of being a Christian school. Still, there are excellent Christian schools that can provide our young people with the education they need to be successful in life.

Your choice of a college or university does matter. Choices have consequences.  

Choose to live like a millionaire

For those of us who are not millionaires we are likely to have a lot of wrong ideas about how millionaires live. We imagine they live in absolute luxury with the freedom to do anything they please. No doubt wealth does give them opportunities that many of us may never experience, but many of us would be surprised at how many millionaires truly live. There have been some interesting books written about the millionaire lifestyle such as The Millionaire Next Door: The Surprising Secrets of America's Wealthy and Stop Acting Rich: ...And Start Living Like A Real Millionaire by Thomas Stanley. Those books, and similar ones, find that most millionaires live well below their means and are much more interested in financial independence than they are in impressing other people.

For instance, they spend far less for clothing, watches, homes and cars that the average person thinks they do. Living on credit and spending more than you make guarantees you will never be wealthy. One does not enjoy financial independence by paying on credit cards every month. Besides, that makes the individual a slave to his or her paycheck which eliminates other opportunities to build wealth. When one lives below their means it gives them margin in their lives so they can make career moves such as starting a new business.

A second characteristic of millionaires is that many of them find side hustles. They may have a hobby that can become income-producing. Some, while working their regular job, begin investing in rental income buying first one property and later adding to that as opportunities present themselves. That can't be done if you are already spending more than you are making. Others find other side jobs that can earn them money that can be invested and benefit from the magic of compound interest.

It is a fact that many millionaires are self-employed with some researchers claiming that over 40 percent of millionaires fall into that category. One researcher found that self-employed millionaires had over 1.5 times the median income that those who work for other people.

Another common trait of millionaires is that they like to read. They do not read much fiction, but instead they focus on reading books that will help them become more successful in their chosen fields. One of the wealthiest men in the world, billionaire Warren Buffett, said when he was starting out he would read 600-1,000 pages a day. Even now he spends as much as 80 percent of his day reading. He advises anyone who wants to be successful to read at least 500 pages a day of books that will help you achieve the goals you want to achieve.

Perhaps you have no interest in being a millionaire. But, I bet you do want financial security in your life. Today, few people approach retirement with enough money to comfortably retire, but that does not have to be you. Follow the examples of those who achieved financial security, and one day you'll be enjoying the benefits of that same security.

I've made a decision about professional sports

I've never been a fan of professional basketball, but I have spent a lot of time watching baseball on TV, especially when the Reds were playing. I've been to the Reds ballpark a number of times even though they haven't been a very good team in recent years. Likewise, I've watched many professional football games on Sunday afternoons. That has all ended since professional sports has decided to no longer honor our flag and support an organization that has brought much damage and violence to our nation.

During the Vietnam war I served four years in the US Navy and was proud to do so. I made two trips to Vietnam on board the USS Enterprise. When I enlisted I took an oath to defend our country and our constitution. I love this country even though it isn't perfect. I also love our flag and all it represents. I have zero respect for those who do not.

It is a shame schools quit teaching American Civics because we now have people who vote who know nothing about how our country is set up and how it functions. We have college graduates who know nothing about our nation's history. They have sat under professors who filled their minds with socialist propaganda and who told them how evil our nation has been since its founding. Socialism has never worked anywhere except in a college classroom, and it never will.

Professional athletes who have been pampered all their lives because of their athletic talents earn millions each year from a society they want to destroy. Those millions will have to come from someone else because I have no intention of buying another ticket or team memorabilia or do anything else that will put a nickle in their coffers. Maybe if enough other people make the same decision, team owners will begin to understand that Americans will not support the things that want to tear down the country we love.

Every organization that sponsors these teams need to know that they don't have to worry about being boycotted. Since we are not watching the games we don't see the commercials. The millions of dollars they spend on advertising is being wasted because many of us don't know who is running ads on these games. I hope advertisers are getting really cheap rates for their commercials since fewer people are seeing them.

As a veteran I defended the rights of people to make decisions about how they would conduct themselves. If you want to kneel during the playing of the national anthem, you have every right to do so, and I would never support any attempt to deny you that right. But, I also have the right to choose how I will respond to you exercising that right, and I choose to ignore you, to write you off as irrelevant to my life.

I choose to support the vast majority of police officers who do a great job of protecting the citizens of this nation. I choose to support those organizations that love our nation and respect what it stands for. When the national anthem is played I will proudly stand and salute our flag and give it the respect it deserves. I choose to vote for persons who are dedicated to making this nation better regardless of their political affiliation. I choose to honor God with my life, and I pray that He will send a revival that will once again turn this nation back to values it once had.

What choices will you make about how you will support this great nation of ours? Just remember, choices have consequences.

Do you prefer healing or helplessness?

There is an interesting story in the Bible about a man who had lived with some infirmity for 38 years. He spent time at the Pool of Bethesda which, according to Jewish legend, would heal the first person who stepped into it when an Angel stirred the water. Jesus met this man there one day and asked what appears to be a rather foolish question: Do you want to be made well?

Why would he not want to be made well? Why else did Jesus think he spent time at this pool? Anyone in their right mind would prefer well-being over illness, wouldn't they? What is really interesting is that the man never answered the question. Rather, he offered an excuse. He didn't have anyone to help him into the pool and someone always got in the water first. He was depending on someone else to help him become well. Frankly, it sounds like a lot of people today.

We live in a land of unbelievable opportunity. We have freedoms that people living in other country will never know. We have opportunities that do not exist anywhere else for people to do amazing things with their lives. But, we have a significant percentage of our population waiting on someone else to take care of them. They depend on a government check to provide them with the bare necessities of life instead of taking advantage of the opportunities available to them to rise about that.

The government is discussing another providing another check to Americans due to so many out of work while at the same time companies are trying hard to hire new workers. People are demanding that additional money be added to unemployment checks which, in many cases, provide more income than they were making when they were working. Exactly how does that provide any incentive for someone to look for a job when they can sit home and make more than they would working. Others are demanding that minimum wage be raised. Why does anyone want to remain in a minimum-wage job anyway? Minimum wage jobs are there to help people get work experience so they can go out and find better employment.

As a senior in high school I started a minimum wage job at .75 an hour. Before graduating I had asked for and received pay raises that increased my salary to 1.25 an hour. Just a few weeks before graduating I requested another .25 an hour which was refused, so I quit and went to work for another business the next week for 1.50 an hour. As soon as I turned 18 I went to work for another company at almost twice that salary. No one needs the government to guarantee them a living wage if they are willing to advance themselves and do what it takes to deserve a higher salary. To break the chains of helplessness one must break his dependence on others to provide for him. Becoming mature occurs when we begin to take responsibility for ourselves.

While many people are dependent on the government for their income, many more are dependent upon credit to maintain their lifestyle. There is a reason it's called Mastercard. As long as one is dependent on credit it will be your master. Talk about helplessness! Look how long it took for the pandemic to cost people their jobs before they began to scream that they couldn't pay their bills, they couldn't pay their mortgage or rent, they couldn't buy groceries. We were in the greatest economic boom in decades, and yet millions of people were living paycheck to paycheck with nothing in reserve. Why? I imagine it was because many of them had more money going out each month than they had coming, and they made up the difference with plastic.

Do you want to be made well? If financial distress is making you feel helpless maybe it's time for plastic surgery. Like a lot of physical healing that occurs, there might be some temporary discomfort, but it will be worth it when you begin to heal financially. If you need help getting out of debt and achieving financial security, check out the plan Dave Ramsey promotes in his best-selling book
The Total Money Makeover: Classic Edition: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness. This plan works.

You can go through life feeling helpless or you can find healing for every aspect of your life. The choice is yours, but remember, choices have consequences.