Make a difference in the lives of other people

One of the most important things anyone can do is to make a positive difference in the life of another person. All around us are people who are hurting. They be struggling with illnesses, relationship issues, financial pressures, employment concerns, or some crisis we know nothing about. Chances are they feel at times that no one cares. Sometimes, all it takes is one person to make a positive difference in a person's life. Why shouldn't that person be you?

There are many ways you can make a difference in someone's life. It doesn't take a million dollars or some supernatural ability. Sometimes all you have to do is listen. A few years ago I was called to the home of an individual to look at some items she wanted me to sell for her at auction. After we talked for a few minutes she began to tell me how her life was unraveling. Her fiance has recently died, and she was struggling with an illness herself. As she began to tell me all the bad things that was going on in her life the tears were running down her face. I explained that I was a retired pastor and asked if I could pray for her. She agreed, and after I prayed I asked if she had a church home. I knew many of the churches in that area, and when she responded she did not attend a church I was able to recommend a couple I knew could help her. Her spirits lifted simply because some cared enough to listen to her pain.

Another thing you can do is to stand up for someone going through a rough time. When Jackie Robinson became the first African-American player to play in the Major Leagues he encountered a lot of hatred. Some opposing teams threatened to not play if he was on the field. Even some of his own teammates threatened they would refuse to play as long as he was on the team. Fans in the stands hurled the worst racial comments towards him they could think of. One game was exceptionally hateful when Pee Wee Reese walked over to Robinson and stood beside him with his arms around his shoulders. Reese was highly respected in MLB, and his act of friendship soon quieted the crowd. Sometimes we can make a difference just by being a friend and letting the other person know they are not alone in their battle.

A third way we can make a difference in someone's life is to share what we know. I have spent a lifetime promoting and writing about bivocational ministry. My doctoral thesis was on the subject. Every year I get one or two calls from grad students who are writing their dissertations on bivocational ministry, and they are calling to ask me some questions. I love being able to help them because I know that not only are they being helped, but their research and writing will help others down the line.

The final thing I'll mention is to stay positive. Too many people look for the negative in others when we should be looking for the positive. Sometimes a person makes a mistake and people are quick to jump on the negative bandwagon. No one's life should be evaluated for their worst moments. If you look for the good you'll find it in most people. When they get down on themselves for their mistakes you can remind them of all the good qualities that are in their lives. Believe me, it will make a difference.

I encourage you to look for those people who needs encouragement, who needs someone to remind them of their potential. Take these steps and you'll make a difference in their lives.

Going the extra mile

A few years ago a new restaurant opened in our community. When that happens I usually check it out before taking anyone else there. It turned out to be pretty good food and service. I ate there 3-4 times a month, and the place seemed to be doing well. Reviews online were always good as well. A lot of people enjoyed eating there as the place was often busy when I went. I had commented to some people that it had become one of my favorite places to eat in town, and one Christmas some friends gave me a gift card for the restaurant.

When I tried to use the card their computer system wouldn't accept it. The waitress got another employee to try the card, and it still didn't work. They finally admitted they didn't know how to use a gift card for payment. They called the owner for instructions who told them that she had not set up the new computer system for the cards. I wasn't pleased, but I paid for my lunch.

A couple of weeks later I returned and again tried to use the gift card. The same thing happened again. No one there knew how get the system to accept the card. The waitress called the owner again, did not get the answer she wanted and asked if I wanted to talk to the owner. I sure did!

The owner apologized for the problem and said she hadn't trained anyone on how to use the system to accept gift cards. I explained this was the second time I had tried to use the card and wasn't very happy that it appeared the cards they sold were no good. Finally, frustrated, the owner said if I could wait 15 minutes she would be there and would take the card. Just as frustrated I responded that I had already been there 15 minutes while the employees had tried to get the card to work and I wasn't interested in wasting another 15 minutes because she didn't know how to train her employees properly. I then asked if I could just give them the $25.00 card for my $10.00 meal and call it even. No, she couldn't accept that. I paid for the meal and never went back. Less than a year later the restaurant closed its doors.

The math is really simple. If you have a customer who is spending $40.00-75.00 a month in your business, you don't jerk them around for $10.00. I titled this post "Going the extra mile," but we're not even talking her about doing anything extraordinary. We're talking about just doing the right thing.

The loss of my business isn't what closed the business down. It was the lack of management by the owner that closed down the business. If she treated me like that, I'm certain she treated others the same way. In addition, it was obvious the quality of the food had deteriorated over time as well. When you combine poor quality food with poor customer service you have a recipe for disaster in the restaurant business. When you practice poor customer service in any business, you won't be in business long. People talk about both their good experiences and their bad ones, and bad news travels fast.

To succeed in business, or anything else in life, you have to deliver every day. If something goes wrong, and it will, you do whatever it takes to make it right. You can turn a bad customer experience into a great one with a commitment to do so regardless of what it takes. There might be some temporary discomfort involved in making things right, but that's better than a long-term or permanent loss.

It really is all about choices. Every day you get to choose the kind of experience the people you serve with have. Based on those experiences, they will choose whether to continue to do business with you or not.

No decision is a decision

Being a leader, whether in business, politics, military, church, or in a family, requires people to make decisions. A business leader might have to decide whether or not to pursue a new product line not knowing if it will be successful or not. A politician often has to make difficult decisions that will do the most good for the most people. Military leaders, especially in times of war, have to make tough decisions about sending people into harm's way. Church leaders are often faced with difficult decisions that will affect their congregations. Family leaders have to make choices nearly every day about what will be best for the their family. The very nature of leadership is decision making.

There is a difference between being a leader and being in a leadership position. Leaders are not afraid to make a decision. It may not always prove to have been the best decision, but they will make a decision and act on it. Those merely in leadership positions will avoid making decisions as much as possible. The process frightens them. They might be wrong. Bad things might happen, and they will be blamed. So they settle for the status quo. They won't make a decision but let things play out on their own.

Unfortunately, not making a decision is making a decision. Sitting on the fence is making a decision. It is a decision to do nothing, to remain stuck in the status quo. It is to decide to remain in the rut in which you find yourself. I often like to remind people that a rut is nothing more than a grave with both ends kicked out. Organizations die in ruts. So do families. So do individuals. To live in a rut is not living; it is existing in an endless downward spiral.

Some people pursue leadership positions without the ability to actually provide leadership. They are managers. Now, there is nothing wrong with managers, except when a leader is needed. Managers make sure things are done correctly; leaders make sure the right things are done. Big difference. Managers spend time assessing which way the winds of popular opinion is blowing (like most politicians) while leaders are focused on leading the organization in the right path regardless of popular opinion.

Managers seldom have to make decisions, and the ones they do make are predetermined in the policy manual. They just have to follow instructions. Leaders often operate in uncharted waters. Our current pandemic is good evidence of this. We have faced things in recent weeks than no one living today had faced before. Decisions had to be made, often with inadequate and even incorrect information, and made quickly. It was easy to criticize the decisions after they were made, but the critics were not the ones who had to make the decisions. It's a lot easier to be an armchair quarterback than to be in the game.

If you are in a leadership position you have no choice but to made difficult decisions. You have to learn to live with those decisions, even the ones that later prove to have been wrong. The people in your organization and in your family depend on you to make decisions. If you cannot do so, you need to remove yourself from leadership. Let someone who can lead step into that role while you find one more suited for your personality and giftedness.

Focus on changing one thing

When I was a pastor a young mother came to be with numerous problems that were causing a lot of difficulty. She described some of them to me and admitted she often felt overwhelmed by all the negative things that were going on in her life. She was confused about how to do anything to change her situation.

I asked her if she ever watched Star Wars movies. She admitted she did. I asked if she remembered when a ship would jump into hyperspace and how the movie would show all the stars flying past them at high rates of speed. She remembered that. I asked if that was how her problems seemed to her, that they were all flying towards her at one time, and as she tried to deal with them she felt overwhelmed. She stared at me and responded that was exactly how she felt. I explained that is why she felt so overwhelmed. It was impossible to deal with each of them at the same time. What she needed to do was to address one of them and deal with it before she moved on to another one.

This week I’ve talked about choices and the need we sometimes have to make different choices to improve our lives. But, what do we do if there are many areas in our life that are causing us problems. We have to do what I explained to that mother. We have to take one at a time and put our primary focus on making choices that will improve that aspect of our lives.

You may wonder how we know which one to address first. There are two schools of thought. One is to deal with the one that seems easiest to resolve. Success in that area of your life will give you a sense of accomplishment and motivation to attack other areas. The second approach is to deal with the one that will give you the greatest overall success. Which one of your problems, if you resolved it, would provide you with the greatest benefit? Perhaps that is the one with which to be begin.

I can’t tell you which approach to take because I don’t know your situation. You do, so this is a decision you need to make for yourself. You may want to bring in other persons you trust to help you make that decision. That might be a friend, your minister, a counselor or a coach. As I have shared in this blog before, I have coached a number of people who were dealing with issues in their lives. If you think I might be able to help you sort through this, I do have room for a few coaching clients.

What you don’t want to do is to allow your problems to keep attacking you and doing nothing about it. That choice won’t make the positive changes in your life that you are seeking. Choose to do nothing, and those problems will only get worse. Choose to make the necessary changes to eliminate those problems, and your life will improve in that area. Remember . . .choices have consequences.

Choose your response to difficult times

When things happen to us we have two options. We can choose to react to them, or we can choose to respond to them. You may think there is no difference between the two choices, but there is a big difference. If your doctor gives you a prescription and tells you to come back in a week, and when you go back you complain about the side effects, the doctor will say you have had a reaction to the medicine and change the medication But, if you go back and you are feeling better the doctor will say you are responding well to the medication. Reacting is bad; responding is good.

Well-known minister, Chuck Swindoll, wrote that the longer he lived the more he realized the impact attitude has on our lives. He said he was convinced that life is 10 percent of what happens to us and 90 percent of how we respond to it. The key, he wrote, is that we are in charge of our attitudes.

In concentration camp survivor Viktor Frankl's amazing book Man's Search for Meaning, he told of the men in the housing units who went around comforting others and sharing their last pieces of bread. These individuals taught Frankl that "everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."

We cannot control everything that comes into our lives. Every one of us will experience difficult challenges at various times. Right now, for some, it's financial challenges as they suddenly lost their jobs, and, perhaps, their employer decided not to reopen. For others, it's health issues. It might be family or relational problems. For many recent graduates, they are facing a tough job market and wonder how they will find employment.

These are tough challenges with no quick and easy solutions in many cases. While it might take time to resolve the problem, one thing we can do immediately is decide what our attitude will be towards the problem. We can let it get us down and give up, or we can decide to work towards a solution and overcome it. Swindoll is right. Our attitude makes all the difference in the world, and we can always choose our attitude.

I have to admit that I've not always taken the positive approach to my problems. My personality type is such that I can fall into the gloom-and-doom perspective rather easily. I can get down on myself and want to give up at times. That means I have to work extra hard at maintaining a positive approach, but when I do that things seem to go much better. Problems gets resolved faster, and there's a lot less wear and tear.

Choosing to stay positive in a negative situation isn't easy, but it is possible. The next time a problem crops up will you react to it or respond to it? The choice is yours.