Help your child succeed

Parenting is one of the most difficult tasks any parent will face. Most of us want our children to be happy and to grow up to be successful in all their endeavors, but, if we're honest, we aren't always sure what to do to help make that happen. Here are a few suggestions.

Give them time for unstructured play. Many kid's lives are far too structured. They are involved in sports, dance, music classes, and the list goes on. None of these are bad things, but there must be some time for them to just be kids having fun. I played organized baseball growing up, but some of my best times was when we chose up teams at an empty field near our home and just played. No umpires, no parents, nothing but just a bunch of kids playing ball. Kids today need that same unstructured time to just have fun.

Recognize that each child is different. Do not expect each of your children to like the same things or want to do the same things. Some will be more athletic while others are more studious. I have a brother who is very good playing the guitar; I'm lucky to turn on a radio. As a child I took about three piano lessons when the teacher refused to come back. She told my mother that she (the teacher) was wasting her time and my mother was wasting her money. Let your children be who they are and don't try to force them into any mold.

Eliminate performance pressure. Too many parents push their children to live the parent's dreams, and if they don't measure up they can sense their parent's disappointment. When I coached in our Park Department's baseball league I watched another coach, the boys' father, berate the child in the dugout for a mistake he had made until the boy broke out in tears. I don't believe the boy ever played baseball again after that season. Why should he? He could never measure up to the standards his father set for him so why bother?

Give the child chores. I know chores is an old-fashioned word so use whatever word you want. Children need responsibility. Growing up on a farm I had chores that I was expected to do regardless of what else I might want to do. They were not optional. Talk about preparing me for the real world when real employers expect their employees to do their work! Never give a child an allowance. Pay them for doing their chores, and if they fail to complete their assigned duties they don't get paid. Again, a valuable life lesson.

Control TV and social media. This may be the most challenging of anything on the list. It appears that many young people will have their fingerprints wore off their thumbs by the time they are 20 as much time as they spend on their phones, playing games and on social media. Many people would be shocked to learn how some of the most well-known people in the technology world strictly limits the amount of time their children are allowed to use computers and be on social media.

Give them unconditional love. No child should feel they must earn the love of their parents. A child who feels he or she must earn the love of their parents is at risk for making some really bad choices later in life. Even during those times when you must punish bad behavior they should know that you love them and always will love them.

Finally, help them recognize that there is a God who loves them very much. Studies find that children with a strong religious faith make fewer bad decisions that can cause them pain and difficulty. I'm thankful that my parents raised me in church. There came a time in my early twenties when I was not making the best decisions and was paying the price for them. Because of the faith I had found earlier in life I was able to turn things around. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had not had that faith to return to.