We almost always have more than two options

It may be hard for some people to believe since we live in an age of superstores, but I can remember shopping for groceries in a store that had two aisles. You entered through the door and walked down one aisle with shelves on both sides, the meat counter was at the back where you turned and went down the second aisle with shelves on both sides. At the end of that aisle was the cash register. The amazing thing was that you get all the groceries you needed for the week. Now, of course, there were not 15 different choices for ketchup and 100 different flavors of salad dressing, but we didn't expect such a variety of choices back then. We just wanted groceries, and this little store provided that.

Most of us want more options today when we buy groceries than that store could provide, but at the same time we often limit ourselves to two options when we are trying to make a decision about something. We think it has to be this or that. We limit our thinking to either/or and feel trapped when neither choice seems to work or if we really don't like either choice. The fact is, there are almost always more than two options if we take time to think about it.

When we adopt an either/or mindset we really do fall into a trap that often does not end well. Even if one of those options does work, that does not mean that it was the best option. There may have been another choice we could have made that would have worked out even better for us if we had only considered it rather than focusing on the two choices we thought we had.

I suggest that when you are considering a major decision that you spend sufficient time to identify as many options as possible. Talk with trusted friends about the decision you are making and ask for their input. They very well may introduce an option you had not even considered. You can add it to your written list. This might be a good time to bring a life coach into your life to help you identify additional options. When you have compiled a list of several alternatives you are ready to begin giving each of them more thought to identify the one that would be the best choice.

There is a danger in this advice. We can spend too much time doing this and overthink the matter. This is often called "analysis paralysis" where we get so caught up in thinking about a matter that we never made a decision. This can be the result of the fear of making a wrong decision so we overcome that fear by making no decision. This unwillingness to choose is dangerous to anyone but especially for those in leadership positions. There comes a point where one must stop the analysis and make a decision. 

Just don't limit yourself to considering only two options when you need to make a decision about some matter. There are usually more options than that and as you identify them your likelihood of making a better decision will be higher.

Refuse to remain stuck

I meet so many people who are stuck in their lives. They are dissatisfied with their careers, their relationships, their finances, their health and just about everything else in their lives, but they never do anything to change. As the old sayings goes: Keep doing the same thing you've been doing and you'll keep getting the same results. If what you are doing in some area of your life isn't working, do something different.

When I tell people that they sometimes respond that they don't know what they could do. That's an honest response, but it indicates that they either haven't given any alternatives much thought or they need someone to guide them through the process. Often, it's the latter. The fact is, most people know what they need to do but they need someone like a coach to pull that out of them and help them put it into action.

Several years ago I was at a crossroads in my life trying to decide between two alternatives. Both of them were good, but I was trying to decide if one was better than the other. My employer at the times had contracted with a coaching firm to teach us how to coach others, and part of that training was several months of personal coaching. I took advantage of that and shared my confusion with my coach. She helped me work through the process of deciding which option was best. Because of that coaching experience I decided to go ahead and pursue my doctorate, and I've always been glad I did. It turned out to be an excellent decision.

Jump ahead a few years and I'm talking with a young pastor who is concerned about his future. He isn't sure what he would do if he had to leave the ministry or if he was forced to become bivocational and seek another job to pay the bills while remaining in ministry. All of his training was to prepare himself for ministry, and he didn't know what other career he might pursue.

As I sat there using the coaching techniques I had been taught, he was reminded that he initially went to college to enter teaching. It wasn't until later in college that he felt called into the ministry. He also realized he still had a passion for teaching. Much of his pastoral work was teaching. Now, he had options. If he decided to go bivocational he could do substitute teaching in the local school system or look into teaching online for any number of schools. If he left the ministry he could go back and finish what he needed for a teaching certificate and go into teaching full-time. He was no longer stuck but now had options. What is amazing is that it took less than 90 minutes to discover those options.

If you are feeling stuck, you may need a coach to help you process your options. Much coaching is done over the telephone. My coach was based in Georgia and we talked twice a month on the phone. I've coached persons in Canada and around the country. You may be able to find someone nearby where you can meet or you can be coached over the phone. If you like, feel free to contact me. We can discuss your situation and see if coaching would be right for you. The main thing is to refuse to remain stuck.

You don't have a problem

Somewhere I read a statement that has helped me more times than I can count. The statement was, "You don't have a problem, you have a decision to make." That is so often the truth. We get stuck worrying about problems when the reality is that we don't want to made a decision. We want somehow for the problem to go away without us having to make a tough decision, but it seldom works out that way. We remain stuck as long as we refuse to make the decision, and then we find out we have to make the decision anyway.

Like many of you this past Memorial Day weekend I watched some old military movies. One that I watched is also one of my favorites. As a Navy vet I enjoy watching Midway, a movie about how the US Navy defeated the Japanese Navy at Midway. Each side was deploying their best strategies, and the outcome was based on who had the best strategy, but it also depended on who made the best decisions. One of the scenes that jumped out at me in my latest viewing of this movie was when  Admiral Nimitz had to decide whether or not to send his remaining aircraft carriers to Midway or hold them back to protect Hawaii and the west coast of America. In the movie, he doesn't hesitate but orders them to Midway. Now, I don't know how historical this scene is, but what impressed me was his willingness to make a major decision and act upon it. Lesser individuals would have sat around and worried about a decision of this type.

No one wants to make a bad decision. I get that. But, we also can't allow problems to fester while we refuse to make a decision either.

If you find yourself  stuck worrying about a problem you may need someone to help you think through the best possible solution to the problem. I have found that often we already know what we need to do about the problems that worry us the most. It's that we don't want to make the hard decision to go ahead and resolve the problem. When we find ourselves in that situation, we need someone to help walk us through the problem so we can identify some possible solutions. That might be a spouse, a pastor, a friend, a coach, a consultant, a mentor or someone else you trust.

When I was working on my doctorate my project was to coach a number of pastors to determine if coaching could help them address some of the issues surrounding ministry. Six people were selected from across the US and each of them were given six coaching sessions over a three month period. They were allowed to identify the issue each coaching session would address. We were able to successfully resolve several of the issues they presented in that short period of time by focusing on solutions rather than the problem. As a coach, I helped them identify possible decisions they could make that would resolve the problem. We then identified intentional steps they would take. In some cases, problems that had been troubling them for extended periods of time were resolved within weeks. Each of them were required to write a short paper on the impact of the coaching they received on their lives and ministries which would be included in my thesis. All six of them stated that their coaching had been highly beneficial.

Perhaps you are struggling with a problem that has caused you a lot of stress and, maybe, some sleepless nights. If you think a coach could help you resolve that problem, feel free to contact me. I do charge a fee for my services, but you'll find that my fees are less than what many coaches charge. I ask for a three-month commitment to begin with as it takes that long to really establish a relationship between the coach and the person to be coached. There's no commitment required beyond the initial three months. The agreement can end there or can be extended if additional coaching will be helpful.

You don't have to live your life stuck. Your problems do not have to identify you or limit your future progress any longer. Many have found coaching to be helpful to move on in their lives. You may find that to be true for you as well.